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Chae-myun - The importance of saving face in Korea
Because of the importance of social class, rank and precise behavioural forms in pre-modern Korea, all Koreans became incredibly sensitive about the behaviour of others as well as their own actions because there were so many ways they could get into trouble. Doing something that made someone else “lose face” or yourself losing face was not a trivial thing. It could be, and often was, disastrous. Even today it is still something that cannot be taken lightly.
"Chae-myun," which loosely translates into family honour or pride, is to be maintained at all costs. In certain situations, it is more honourable to commit suicide than to expose something shameful about their family. It is an unspoken code of honour, steeped in Confucian morality.
Still today Chae-myun continues to be a major factor in all relationships in Korea, particularly in work environments and in all professional categories with gender, age, education and other not so obvious factors involved. This makes the cultural factor of chae-myun or “face-saving” as one of the most important and demanding aspects of Korean life.
Growing up in Japan, I am fully aware of this cultural aspect and consider myself to be pretty sensitive to this, however, some of the solutions Koreans choose are so far stronger than this and from what would be considered a Western approach, that it results in an total impasse if not a complete breakdown in relationships. The traditional Korean methods for avoiding and dealing with loss of face include withholding bad news, not telling the truth or just mutually agreeing to pretend that it never happened or even worse.
Quite often the way Koreans go about saving and repairing face often does not conform to Western concepts of what is necessary, right or acceptable which a situation that often causes friction between foreigners and Koreans working in the same company both from a professional and a personal standpoint.
I myself have witnessed this many times working in Korea, however worse still, recently I have been personally in the middle of it when a close Korean friend of mine and I had what I would call a ‘cultural misunderstanding’ where I tried to explain an opinion of another westerner and by doing so defended the thinking, which blew up into a bigger uglier debate and now my Korean friend will not speak to me no matter how hard I try to repair the relationship.
Of course I know the best way to fix this type of situation is to avoid it in the first place, however, I would love to hear from others if they has witnessed 'Chae-myun' in their Korean workplace or have been personally through this themselves in Korea, and in saying this, is there any way they believe it can be repaired once the damage is done.
Replies to This Discussion | 이 토론에 대한 답글들
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Permalink Reply by Brian on -
A good analysis and breakdown of Chae-myun. In a past article it was pointed out that LG mobile execs feared to "lose face" so a lot of things were not done resulting in them losing out on the smartphone segment. That shows how prevalent this idea is in Korean society.
At "face value" (ha ha) i don't believe the Korean and Western idea of losing face is all that different. It's about having your authority and position threatened, perceived loss of respect, and reputation. The major differences is in how they cope and resolve issues. Most Western cultures you would confront the person and the issue and talk things out. Compromise and understanding is key to resolving the issues, it's a rational exercise. In Korea there's a significant "cool down period" and then it's about avoiding and not addressing the issue directly. Preferably it's about forgive and forget. However at times Koreans are known for their "spicy hot tempers" and lashing out becomes an instinct, it's an emotional outburst that happens as a result of a personality or being backed into a corner.
In resolving issues i find that Westerners often want to rehash the argument to explain in detail their misunderstanding and hence hope to have the other party understand their points. It's about analysis. Koreans on the other hand talk about their feelings and how they felt when you said or did something. It's about emotional value. In my opinion going the Western way doesn't work well with most Koreans because they feel you are starting a new argument - they feel that you haven't given up and are out to personally "get them". This ends with them avoiding you entirely. The best way to resolve things is to talk out your feelings with them. Avoid dwelling on something specific that you said or they said, it's unproductive and they will remember it differently -- leading to a new argument of "she said he said". If the discussion is about how people felt at the time, it's a lot easier to apologize for a misunderstanding on that basis versus a specific order given, or something someone said.
The reason why after an argument Koreans go out drinking together, is precisely to get everything out on the table..to let it all out and then the next day totally forget it. I find a lot of Westerners feel the incessant need to feel that they were "right" and the other was "wrong" in order to validate their position. On the other hand Koreans feel that those factual details are irrelevant to how you made other people feel, or how you affected their place in the bigger picture (reputation). Keep in mind that because Koreans feel that their position, status, and reputation are their most important assets, anything that threatens that will be a big issue for them. Take care to resolve things privately and away from any other eyes and ears. I've found taking them out for a coffee or lunch and getting them out of the office is much better than behind closed office doors where gossip and rumors will inevitably run rampant.
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Permalink Reply by Eun-Shil Park on -
When I do read this comment by Brian, I am much more a korean than I thought. Although I spend most of my life outside Korea and being raised up by dutch parents its inevitably clear to me that how I do still act businesswise and privatewise its more or less koreanstyle. However I also have learnt valuable lessons of my dutch dad(also entrepreneur). He served out every day the coffee for his employees in the office and was never too embarrashed to admit his faults or even making up with you while you were NOT right in an issuepoint!
When people tells me how I can cope with these both worlds of perception I think this would my answer.
Shil
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Permalink Reply by Eun-Shil Park on
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To Greg,
I think Brian pointed out a good point: DON'T refer to that issue again with your korean friend. Ignore this issue as long as he wants. What can you in this issue: If he's working and there is something you can "boost" his position somewhere in the future, please do. He will KNOW and appreciate it..... Meanwhile be polite as possible and WAIT.....your korean come forward believe me,.....he probably hate this situation as much as you do but he can't say sorry yet......because his so called "pride".....
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Permalink Reply by GREG SHEEN on -
Hi Shil,
Thanks for the response, again very insightful, it's always great to get a more female view as emotions are usually key to this and guys tend to analyze more...
It is interesting to note, that you automatically assumed that my Korean friend was a male...something I purposely didn't mention to see what the first few responses would be...
Now thinking more from a woman feelings and point of view, would you think or say the same thing?
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Permalink Reply by Eun-Shil Park on
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Yes I would say the same thing. I also did see with other "korean" women that they can have a very "spicey hot tempers" as Brian pointed out. Maybe I am not the right "woman" to ask advice in this because many of my dutch male friends are saying about me having quite "manly" matters....which can be very useful in business negotiations ;-). I feel much more comfortable with men instead of women.....because of this ;)
Having that said, maybe sometimes it work out to give/send small presents without referring to it if you see her. You can even ingnore her. Continue doing this....I know it sound soooo male vs female and sooo not politically correct but I know from my own (female)point of view that we are being "weak" to that...even if we(women) are saying: we don't care about that(we silently DO).
Is this helpfull?
Shil
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Permalink Reply by Lara Tosh on
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Interestingly, EunShil -most of my western female friends usually assume that I'm a lesbian (because I'm such a "guy" ^.^).
99% of my friends & associates are male -I simply relate to them easily (ie: feel comfortable with them).
I've always been one of the boys.
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Permalink Reply by GREG SHEEN on
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Lara, you are very funny, believe it or not I can totally understand you very well as I am the same but the opposite...does this makes sense???
When I was younger, had hair and was much better looking, sorry, a little better looking, most people thought I gay...I had a nice car, nice apartment, always neat and nicely dressed and all my friends were women...
The male, female aspects are probably as equally important as the cultural aspects to this, mix them up, and it's a much stronger cocktail to deal with and I think we need to look at all the factors to fully understand it. I can understand one side very well, however, my issue is more the cultural idiosyncrasies that are very subtle, and if implied slightly the wrong way, has a huge impact.
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^.^ It sounds like we'd have quite a bit to talk about!
...I fully understand how subtle cultural idiosyncracies can become HUGE issues
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Permalink Reply by Eun-Shil Park on
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matters, sorry I do mean manners ;-)
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Permalink Reply by GREG SHEEN on
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Great feedback Brian, it is so true, Westerners do seem to focus more on the point issues and try and resolve those specifics and Koreans it's more about feelings, but at the end of the day and I think you picked up on it, it's all about Pride on both sides and that is always difficult situation to get right.
The funny thing is, if I read your response again, however, replace the word Korean with the word Woman, and likewise Westerner with the word Man, you may agree it would also make sense...not that I mean anything bad from this so please don't read too much into it, but the Korean/Westerner perception debate could read similar to a Male/Female perception debate don't you think?
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Permalink Reply by Brian on
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An interesting thought but the Male vs Female stereotypes that you're thinking of is a Western type. In Korea i would say Korean males are just as emotional as females. Or it could be simply that Korean males are more in "touch" with their feminine side. I mean skinny jeans, men holding hands walking down the street, perfectly manicured hands, and low v-neck shirts... (>.<)
Still some things are universal. Men avoid talking about feelings and showing emotion. Women embody it. Guys might throw a few punches and then go out and get drunk together. Women might spread malicious rumors and gossip behind their back. One thing i do admire about Korean guys is the sense of closeness, loyalty, and the strong bond of friendship they have. My relationships with my American guy friends vs. my Korean guy friends are quite different.
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Permalink Reply by Eun-Shil Park on
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Yep....holding hands, skinny jeans,manicured hands, low v-necks.....i have seen it....;-) Korea is the only country in the world who discuss much more the "decollotee" of men instead of women....(laughter)....
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