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KBC Relay Interview with Lara Tosh (January 3, 2011) - "Lara's Story in Korea”
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2011년 1월 3일 KBC 릴레이인터뷰 :"Lara's Story in Korea” Lara Tosh Consultant (Counselor, Coach, Writer) |
Ian Jeong: I am glad you agreed to do this relay interview, Lara. Could you start by giving me a brief introduction of yourself?
Lara Tosh : I was born in 1971 (so I'm 40 Korean age) in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada (it's sort of in the "middle" of the southern-most part of Canada). I left home when I was 18 & put myself through university 3 times. I have an ecclectic background in quantum physics, molecular-bio-physics, psychology & TESOL. I'm currently working towards counselling certification in Neuro-Linguistics. I've actually being using NLP methods in my & daily interactions work for as far back as I can remember -I simply had no idea that it was actually a "formal domain of psychology" -until mid 2010, which is when I began working towards an official designation. I've got more than 25 years of "paid" experience using my NLP-based skills as a consultant / advisor. My mentor tells me regularly that I'm a powerful "natural" at stuff that most people need to learn ^.^
I'm married to my soulmate (he's Korean). Seoul has been home for a very long time & will likely remain so. I'm currently entering my 11th year of living in Korea.
Ian Jeong : What brought you to Korea? Why Korea and not somewhere else?
Lara Tosh : Initially, I came here to make money: I had a huge student-loan debt to take care of. I chose Korea mainly for financial reasons: I did a cost-benefit analysis among China, Japan & Korea ...Korea came out on top. Also, I discussed my choices with a former Education professor & respected friend -she strongly advised me "stay OUT of Korea -there are too many horror stories!" ...and I was "sold" (^.^ the best way to ensure that I WILL do something is to tell me to NOT do it -or that it's "impossible") ...So, that's why I came here. HOWEVER: I stayed & changed my residency because: within the first few moments of landing, I felt as if I was "at home" (a feeling which I had NEVER known before -I grew up feeling like pretty much everything about the "world" I was in was a complete "mismatch") -I came here & I could "breathe" ...I experience this strange (and wonderful) sense of "this is right" here in Seoul. As soon as dual citizenship becomes possible, I'll follow through with that, too.
Ian Jeong : What are your main projects these days?
Lara Tosh : Presently, I'm embarked on a multi-level learning experience within Samsung C&T. As soon as I finish here, I will be studing Korean fulltime at Sogang University's Korean Language Institute -my Korean production skills are frustratingly lacking.
As I mentioned above, I'm also working towards NLP certifiction (I will also be certified as a hypnotherapist).
Ian Jeong : What is your goal in Korea for your career over the next few years?
Lara Tosh : While I'm getting my Korean communication skills as close to "native-speaker level" as possible, I will also be doing some sort of counselling practicum with my mentor.
I will also continue to offer my services as an (intercultural) awareness consultant.
Ian Jeong : What kind of consulting do you offer? Tell me about that?
Lara Tosh : I offer (Intercultural) Awareness Consulting services. I basically use my innate abilities as counsellor to help people reach the neccessary awarenesses to drop whatever they've been allowing to block them from growing in the directions they wish to grow.
In Korea, this tends to be deeply rooted in helping my clients first become aware of & then integrate and transcend their enculturation -such that they are willing and able to encounter differences in other cultures with openness, a genuine desire to understand & flexibility of response.
I help people grow & evolve -and to acheive their goals & dreams.
Ian Jeong : Wow, That’s great.
Lara Tosh : Thanks, I truly find meaning in helping people & I love the feeling I get when they succeed ...to me, it all feels like I get paid to do what I love -kind of like you!
Ian Jeong : What are your most memorable moments in Korea so far? -the best and the worst (and Why).
Lara Tosh : That's a loaded question ^.~
I'm not sure how to answer ...every experience for me is in someway memorable -and I tend to frame pretty much everything positively, so it's difficult to choose on two different levels, BUT, if I had to pick one "high" & one "low" I would say:
Ian Jeong : OK, Go ahead.
Lara Tosh : My "worst" experience here would have to be my first relationship with my first Korean boss. It was 1999. I was his first foreigner & he was my first "아저씨" (ajosshi) ^.~ Now, I can laugh about it, but at the time NEITHER of us were "happy". To me, it felt like I was being prostituted out & that I was only receiving a fraction of the money that he was charging for my English teaching services. He was charging about 50,000 - 100,000 per hour for me ...and I was paid roughly 10,000 per hour. He sent me out to teach at various companies & at a university from 10:00 - 16:00 ...and I was required to teach early morning (07:00 - 09:00) & evening (18:00 - 21:00) classes at his hackwon. The housing he provided was the unfurnished back storage room (3m by 4m) of a house in the neighborhood near the hackwon. I had to shower in the "kitchen" (a make-shift, unheated attachement to the storage room l lived in) ...I had to walk about 25m down a dark side alley to use an outside toilet (located in an outhouse in the backyard of the house my storage room was attached to). Life was NOT FUN in terms of quality of living conditions. Whenever I asked for improvements, he would scrunch up his face & say, "please understand me -I'm not rich" ...I bought it at first: I knew nobody, so I had nothing to compare my circumstances to & no way of knowing how much he was actually making off of me ...BUT, I was befriended by a couple of my students (one of which I am still friends with today ^.^) & they rapidly set me straight. They took me under their wings and made sure that I had the best possible experiences with what I had & helped me to leave when I was ready.
...I lasted 6 months ^.~ & left in the middle of the night right after my last payday.
In retrospect, that experience was what truly helped me to KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that regardless of how "bad" things might feel / seem, they can & will change ....in fact, "change" is the only gaurantee in this life.
Ian Jeong: Oh, You had such a hard time back then. And What’s the best experience?
Lara Tosh : My "best" experience would have to be the on-going experience that I live with my life partner, Young Bae (my hubby, my soulmate) ...we've been to hell & back & beyond together and I am truly grateful to wake up each morning knowing that we're together for whatever we might experience ^.^
Ian Jeong : What is one piece of advice you'd like to share with KBC members who are just starting out in the Korean business world?
Lara Tosh : 일 체 유심 조 (perception = projection) ...literally: "everything mind made"
It basically means that whatever you experience is a reflection of your own inner workings (mind). Applied to my "worst" experience above: the way I was treated by my boss & my experience of that treatment was a mirror imge of the ways in which I didn't accept, respect and value myself at that point in my life.
I see this buddhist wisdom played out with my clients on a daily basis ...and I guess that what I REALLY do is : I help them change what they're projecting by changing what's going on in their minds.
Ian Jeong : I just learned a little bit more about you. Your story is interesting. Especially, I agree with your ending ' 일체유심조'. That is best therapy for anti-stress. Thanks so much for taking the time to do this interview.
Lara Tosh: You're welcome ...it was fun^.^
Tags: A_Lara_Tosh's_story_in_Korea”, A_Stroy_in_, Korea, Lara_Tosh, Relay_Interview
Replies to This Discussion | 이 토론에 대한 답글들
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Permalink Reply by Dennis Oh on -
Thank you for joining the interview Lara. I just knew about you. You seem to have lots of interesting stories with Korea experiences. I think you are a positive person
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Permalink Reply by Lara Tosh on
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...thanks Sam: ever since I was a little girl I've lived according to the following:
"Everything is okay in the end ...if it's not okay, then it's simply not the end"
I learned pretty early on that life sucks unless you decide that it doesn't ^.~ (my dad's version of: "Whether you believe you can or you can't, you're right.")
...you can tell that I'm upset or worried if you ever hear me utter my childhood mantra: "it's gonna be ok" -AND, my tone doesn't match the words ^.~
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Permalink Reply by vince rubino on -
This is truly your week, Lara. I hope it becomes your year as well! Your contributions at KBC are tremendous and I hope you can maintain this.
I've seen another version of this comment from you before and I think it is extremely relevant:
" become aware of & then integrate and transcend ... enculturation -such that they are willing and able to encounter differences in other cultures with openness, a genuine desire to understand & flexibility of response."
When someone doesn't really understand their own preferences and biases - their own limitations that may be imposed by culture, family or their own individual experience and identity - they are at a big disadvantage to clearly understand others who don't fit their own identity. It's a key psychological concept that is the root of many problems. Especially racism and other "isms". Your experience seems to have shown that this is a good place to start when confronting certain conflicts. Great stuff! I hope you write a "how to" book on this topic for Korea. Although I don't think there's anyone who cannot benefit from understanding their own biases and how this affects their views of others.
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^.^ Thanks Vince ...actually, that book is currently in progress.
It's presently a collection of notes which I'm gradually sifting through & re-writing / piecing together ...and the largest piece of the puzzle that's missing for me is to increase my mastery (if I can even call it that) of the Korean language -as you & most KBC members are likely well aware: language & culture are inextricably inter-twined ...my writings here & on linkedin are part of my book-writing "process" -along with the discussions & have with my hubby & my 03:00 writing sessions (done while in my favorite yoga pose -but that's another interview^.~)
I've often referred to Korea as being many international residents' "shadow therapy" ^.^ ...eventually many reach that awareness in various forms ...others rigidify their ego / identity & cut themselves off ...and entomb themselves inside their "isms".
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Permalink Reply by Susanne Fuglsang on -
Thanks for sharing your story Lara, what a impressive knowledgebase you have !
I promise to be your first client of your book when it´s released. I am currently reading a great book on how to get pass the obsticles that you have to be truly creative, it´s called "the Artist´s way" and is written by Julia Cameron, I really recommend it.
Hope to talk to you "live" soon.
Susanne
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I remember "playing" with that book briefly in 2001 -a colleague of mine had purchased it & it was through her sharing of the various activities with me on weekends (as we suntanned on the roof of the place we lived & worked at) that we became very close friends ...although I've never read directly it myself, it definitely opened doors for her & helped her make some positive changes ...maybe I'll need to grab a copy^.~
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Permalink Reply by Shrikanth S on -
I can very much relate to your statement .
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-I came here & I could "breathe" ...I experience this strange (and wonderful) sense of "this is right" here in Seoul.
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. some experiences are hard to quantify and explain in words ..
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I agree, Shrikanth ...in fact I usually takes me quite awhile of "inner experiencing / understanding" before I'm able to express something ...and yes, there are certain things which remain elusive ^.~ ...perhaps that's why words are simply one of many forms of expression.
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Permalink Reply by N.Barker on -
Thanks for sharing. You've definitely come a long way from that hagwon job in ' 99! The NLP info sounds interesting as well.
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...yes, I guess I've learned a few things since then ^.~
The developments in neuropsychology are definitely powerful tools when applied properly!
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Permalink Reply by Carl Kwan on -
Great interview!
Lara, I've dabbled a bit in NLP and would like to learn more. What are your suggestions for going about that?
I tell everyone who feels sorry for themselves or can't quite figure out why they're not "getting anywhere" the same thing... It all starts and ends with your own self-perception, especially when it comes to what we believe are our "limits".
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Hey there, Carl^.^
re: NLP -I recommend self-study according to what interests you. That's mainly how I'm improving my theoretical grounding. I've found a few websites of NLP trainers whose particular models strike me as useful & interesting, and I've signed up for their regular (free) e-mailings. I analyze their "offerings" technically. I pick out "what" is designed to do / ellicit "what" & I explore how everything works & why ...and I make note of the similarities and differences.
I'm also currently doing a services exchange (he wants English skill improvment, I want certification). His role = "theorectical info-clarifier" & "someone who helps me recognize the extent, depth & strength of my own abilities" -rather than as a person who's abilities I'd wish to emmulate & internalize (he's a jargon guru & it instrumental in teaching me how to connect what I do with strong theoretical under-pinnings, but I blow him out of the water when it comes to state ellicitation methodology -regardless of language^.~). He is helping me understand the truth about what I've already got & is giving me the technical jargon to go along with my counselling skills ^.~ ...when it comes to improving one's counselling skills, PRACTICE is the only thing I can recommend -and "walking the walk" (if possible, from long before talking the talk).
I'm wanting to get a PhD in counselling psychology (with a heavy non-native-English-speaking-enculturation slant) -and that's why getting my Korean skills up to speed is (supposedly ^.~) on the forefront (I have a LONG way to go).
Presently, I'm padding our bank account in preparation for starting at Sogang University (Korean Language Institute) in June of this year. The NLP studying ties in because it forms a large part of the "theoretical basis" for what I do (we meet on average for about 4 hours a month -and the main focus is upon improving his English skills) -and the more theoretical jargon I can acquire before I'm in PhD land, the better ^.^ I will likely be doing my PhD. at SookMyung Women's University -it will likely (but not neccessarily) be an interdisciplinary one. The MA program I graduated under is interested in having me as one of their PhD grads, so we'll see what we can work out in terms of me starting my PhD. work there, concurrently with my KLP at Sogang.
...yep, whatever you believe, you're right^.~
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